Your goals, hopes and dreams deserve a fighting chance. Perfectionism might be the reason you feel stuck, and it’s not always easy to understand how it impacts your day-to-day decisions. Below, are a few subtle and important signs of perfectionism to help you increase self-awareness.
Negative thinking often termed the “inner critic, “is frequently described as loud and intrusive. This might be the case during highly stressful times; for example, when life throws you an unexpected curveball or during a challenging transition. However, we have thousands of thoughts a day and it’s common for most people to be unaware of their automatic negative thoughts. This makes sense because our brain is wired to be efficient. We continue doing what is comfortable and habitual even though we might feel stuck. Therefore, people who struggle with perfectionism may not realize how much of their behaviour is driven by high, unrealistic standards and expectations. Their thoughts may be rigid and focused on what they “should,” and “must,” accomplish which can lead to feeling overwhelmed and procrastinating on meaningful tasks.
Some social situations, whether in group settings, one-on-one or in unfamiliar contexts can elicit feelings of nervousness or worry. These emotions are natural and often dissipate once we begin engaging with others and find points of connection. Perfectionism can be a barrier to genuinely connecting with others because you might agonize about saying the ‘wrong’ thing or being perceived as ‘not good enough.’ The focus of your attention is saying and doing everything ‘right,’ and gaining everyone’s approval. Understandably, this creates a lot of pressure and may result in avoiding social interactions altogether.
Perfectionism can hide behind a fear of uncertainty. It may be overwhelming to think about the potential twists and turns that might come up while in pursuit of new endeavors, and this might be a huge barrier to getting started on your journey. Most people prefer having predictability in their daily life. It feels reassuring and safe to know what to expect. Taking risks feels scary; however, most people struggle more when they are standing still rather than moving forward. Often, we cannot be certain of most things in life and recognizing what is and what is not under our control is an important skill to develop.
Perfectionism is common and it is possible to become aware of how this tendency might show up within your unique life experiences. In a counselling context, we can discuss specific skills to become more conscious of negative thought patterns and practice self-kindness. Ultimately, the goal is to make choices that are in line with your values and not your fears.
Rooting for you,
Amrita